I was very hesitant to have another baby because I had such a difficult time with Elle (for a lot of reasons). Even from the beginning, I had uncontrollable morning sickness. It lasted all day long. Medication took the edge off but only limited the number of times I would get sick. Nothing actually took it away. I was pretty miserable and it lasted the entire time I was pregnant.
At first glance you might think “then why did you do this again?” and that’s a fair question, but it doesn’t color my entire experience. I look at my daughter and I am glad she’s here and if I had to repeat it to get her, I absolutely would. You definitely have to mentally work yourself up to it though.
Hyperemesis is not a very well known condition and it’s not something that affects a lot of people. It doesn’t get a lot of attention unless you’re Kate Middleton and a lot of doctors just think it is run of the mill nausea. When it requires IVs and medical intervention to avoid dehydration, it’s not really run of the mill anymore. Some people experience some relief when they get further down the road. I definitely felt a little bit of relief, but I was still sick up until the day I actually had Elle and that was with medication.
One of the biggest issues is what it does to you mentally. You literally feel like there is no end in sight. You start to question whether or not you’re going to be able to make it. It freaks you out. Eating something is a complete curse and it makes you leery of any food whatsoever. It hurts your brain. I can’t count how many times I would just sit in the bathroom and cry, upset that I still felt a certain type of way and wishing that I would get some relief. I lost weight. I had to try and gain that back. My diet wasn’t great. I can’t say I really look back on it with a lot of fondness.
1-2% of women experience that. Many experience it much, much worse than I actually experienced it. It’s unanimous that it’s painful, difficult to explain and hard to navigate. This go around I have three different nausea medications and have required IV fluids to keep me afloat. I’ve lost about 10 pounds (which is around 12% of my body weight) and I am working on gaining that back. I come home every day and immediately head to bed, thankful that I had enough energy to make it through the day. I feel guilty because I am not helpful in the way I’d like to be, I don’t have so much energy to play with my daughter as much, but I know that it’s just a small season of life and we will all get through it. I am remaining more positive about it now because I understand it so much better and I was better able to advocate for myself as a result. It’s been better, but yet it’s been oddly more difficult for different reasons. It’s just a season. It’s just a season. It’s just a season. Everything will be worth it in the end.