When dad leaves town

First, I’d like to just thank you baby Jesus that this doesn’t happen THAT often. Ryan’s going to start traveling for work a little bit more than he does right now which will be incredibly interesting for me as Elle starts coming into her own a little bit more.

This time he was gone for fun, cashing in on the birthday present that I gave him and his brother – a bro trip to San Fran to see the DMB play. He left early on Friday and came back late on Sunday.

How bad can 72 hours be? I mean really?

Well, let me tell you.

Friday was a breeze. In fact, Friday was so good I thought I had this parenting thing on lock. That was my first mistake. I took the girls to Target and we got some stuff. It was eventful only because the Target employees totally ruined my trip but whatever. Then we got Wendy’s and went home. Followed that up with a trip to get some fall candles for this balmy 107 degree weather and Total Wine. Zoe went down peacefully. Everyone had a bath and I relaxed in an epsom salt bath with a glass of wine and some Netflix.

Perfect day.

Saturday not so much.

Saturday rolled around and everything was mostly going fine. Elle spilled some dog food. This is not news as she does this almost daily. I go to make lunch because I am starving to death and Elle comes and tell me her nose is hurting. I check that dude out and I see a bead in there. A bead. We don’t even really have beads at our house. They came home with us from Preschool on Wednesday. She’s never tried to use her orifices as a hiding spot but there is a first time for everything I suppose.

I tried tweezing that thing out. I tried blowing it out. Sucking it out with a nose frida. Nothing worked. Off to urgent care, which has now changed their hours as of September 5 and is no longer open on Saturdays. Next urgent care says they can’t help. Next urgent care says they don’t have the tools. Now we’re at the ER where they find 2 magical beads up that kid’s nose. Can’t make this stuff up. Safely removed, everyone was fine. I am starving because she interrupted my lunch. Home we go.

I get there and I am trying to get Zoe to sleep. She finally falls asleep so I mosey upstairs to put her down. I get to the top of the stairs and I just see landmine after landmine of dog poop all over my freshly shampooed carpet. My dog was in a bedroom, so it was the dog we are dogsitting right now and cue me being extremely upset. Then I spend 1.5 hours cleaning that up and I still have to have someone come professionally clean it.

Then Elle pees on the play room couch. At this point, I’m just wondering who is going to put me out of my misery. The day ends and I am so tired I am not sure I am going to wake up in the morning.

Sunday rolls around and Elle has somehow found herself some cookies that she is now eating for breakfast under the table. She refuses to put on clothes. Everything is a fight. She wants me to color with her – only red. I color only red. She gets mad I am not coloring with blue. She cries for like 45 minutes. Wake up her sister. Dogsitting dog barks at everything that isn’t there because he’s trying to protect us from the invisible boogie man and Zoe wakes up.

House is a disaster. All my plans are thwarted. I decided it was a good weekend to rearrange things. I was wrong. I did get some decluttering done but clearly at what expense?

Ryan gets home, immediately has to do homework for his MBA class. I am still alone for bedtime again and getting all that taken care of. By this time I am literally so exhausted and just frustrated but also oddly at peace and enjoying the moment if that’s even possible.

So – how many things can possibly go wrong in one three day period? A lot as you can see. I am happy Ryan got to get away because he never does, but man did these two do a number on it.

I could write something here about how I learned from the experience. I grew to enjoy my kids even in these moments but  I will spare you because that didn’t happen and might come later as the byproduct of reflecting on these moments.

Or maybe they will just make good stories later on.

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